April 5, 2025
One month since Barbara passed…….
I’ve decided to create this blog to help others who are going through the same experience.
So..first let me give the background.
My wife of 47 years, Barbara, passed away from cancer on March 5, 2025 in the afternoon. She was surrounded by her family including her sisters Eileen, Susan, and Marianne, and our oldest Daughter, Kim. Barbara was originally diagnosed with breast cancer in late 2009. She went through Chemo, Surgery, and Radiation for the next several months. By July of 2010, she was much better. In mid-July, Kim married Gabe and she continued to improve.
In 2018, the cancer came back as small modules in her lung and spine. This time a combination of chemo and cyberknife was able to keep it under control. During all this time, she continued to work as a Math teacher and Chairperson for the Commack School District. The cancer seemed to be under control.
In late 2023, the treatments seemed to be less effective. She went for a clinical trial which turned out to be a total disaster. She ended up with fluid in her right lung and around her heart. In early 2024, she needed two surgeries including one to put a drainage port into her lung and to reduce the fluid around her lung. By the summer of 2024, she was much better. We went on a vacation to Cape Cod where she did an amazing amount of bike riding (one of her passions).
But in the fall of last year, she started getting vertigo and lost her hearing in her left ear. Turned out the cancer moved to her skull in the left ear. We went through two different treatments including Keytruda, but in February of this year, she was told she only had a few weeks left. Her family, including our three grandkids, came to visit right away. At first, she seemed fine, but gradually started to fade. Slept more. Ate less. She went into Hospice on February 27th, and passed on March 5th. We had the funeral at St James Church in Setauket where she’s buried. An amazing amount of people came to the service include a lot of her colleagues from Commack.
It was a 15 year battle. I was always amazed at how she fought through it and was able to stay active, care for her family including the addition of three grandchildren, and be involved in the lives of her sisters and friends. She will always be my best friend. We started dating in November of 1975 and were married in August of 1977. Went by in a flash!
So..here we are a month later. I feel we were robbed. I was hoping for a few more years with her.
Sleep continues to be a challenge. I keep thinking I need to get Barbara something (Meds, or help with something else, or whatever). I am also very lonely. I knew this was going to be an issue, but it’s hitting very hard, particularly late at night and in the morning.
The plan is (yes, Barbara was the boss until the end and helped with this..) for me to move closer to our son, Chris, in Pelham so that I can be closer to the him and the grandkids. As I’ve told people, I will be the doting “PopPop”. Soccer games, pick-ups, all of that. Staying here by myself in the house is really hard. So….getting ready for all that goes with a move. Probably going to rent initially. I’ve been going to Pelham almost every week to be with the grandkids and to check out rentals.
I’ve been gradually cleaning out the garage and attic. It’ll take awhile. And we’re going to all get together before Easter to go through Barbara’s clothes and decide who gets what. She has a lot of stuff!
I have my two dogs to keep me company, but they’re not the best conversationalists.
And I talk to my Daughter, Daughter in law, Barbara’s sisters, and a couple of her friends almost every day. Still, loneliness is tough to deal with. I keep catching myself thinking, “gotta tell Barbara this…”
I keep hoping to get a sign from Barbara that she’s ok. She believed that we are all part of this energy field. I sense she’s checking up on us,
There is also all the paperwork. That’s almost done.
I’m debating whether to take advantage of grief counseling. Probably should do this, but we’ll see.
My plan is to update this blog frequently. I’d be interested in advice from others who might be going through this.
I picked this title, since Barbara always liked to see scenes from TV episodes that were coming up. One of her favorite shows to watch was “Married at First Sight” (a true trainwreck!!). The scenes were always entertaining.
Talk to you all soon!